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post #1171 of 1191 (permalink) Old 06-27-2014, 12:21 PM
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There are 10 types of people.

Those who get binary code ...

and those who don't.

Mods? Yea, I got mods ...
Air silencer delete, warp drive, dilithium crystals, flux capacitor, Slingshot Rubber band power adder, Moonshine & Gas, Leaf Blower Supercharger, Hamster Wheel & Hamster, Energizer Bunny generating 1.21 gigawatts, Mr. Fusion® Home Energy Reactor, hover conversion and a sextant celestial navigation system (The original GPS)
Best 1/4: 1,320 nanoseconds @ 670,616,629.2 miles per hour

"There isn't that much difference anymore between spacecraft, aircraft and modern automobiles..." - Keith Henry, NASA's Langley Research Center
See a list of my real mods and pictures of my car HERE. The true performance of my car was made possible by the Carolinas Crew Chief, RobertP at Rob's Tire & Auto.
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post #1172 of 1191 (permalink) Old 06-27-2014, 12:22 PM
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D'ohhhhhhhhhhh! Probably the oldest joke amongst all us computer nerds!

-Brandon
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Once you have tasted flight, you will walk the world with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return. -Leonardo da Vinci
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post #1173 of 1191 (permalink) Old 03-16-2015, 06:24 PM
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A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in California,
when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.
The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out his window and asked the cowboy . . .
“If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?”
Bud looked at the man, obviously a yuppie, and then looked at his peacefully grazing herd.
He calmly answered, “Sure, why not?”
The yuppie parks his car, whipped out his Dell notebook computer, connected it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone,
and surfed to a NASA page on the Internet.
He then called up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he immediately fed to another NASA satellite
that scanned the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then opened the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exported it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany.
Within seconds, he received an email on his Palm Pilot saying that the image had been processed and the data stored.
He then accessed a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet via email on his Blackberry and
after a few minutes, he received a response.
Finally, he printed out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-Tech Miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turned to the
cowboy named Bud and said, “You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.”
Bud replied: “That’s right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves.”
Bud watched the young man select one of the animals and looked on amused as the young man stuffed it into the trunk of his car.
Then Bud said to the young man, “Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?”
The young man thought about it for a second and said, “Okay, why not?”
“You’re a Congressman for the U.S. Government,” said Bud.
“Wow! That’s correct,” said the yuppie, “But how did you guess that?”
“No guessing required,” answered Bud. “You showed up here even though nobody called you.
You wanted to get paid for an answer I already knew to a question I never asked.
You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are, and you don’t know a thing about cows . . . this is a herd of sheep.
Now give me back my dog.”

-Brandon
97 Laser Red Thunderbird LX 156k, Stage 2 4.6L 2v N/A | 300 BHP (255 RWHP, 290 RWTQ) | 13.95 @ 97.58 | Build details | Pics at the Lorain Assembly plant
96 Ivory Mark VIII 235k, stock 4.6 32v on coils; New engine at 185k
Gone but not forgotten: 94 Cougar XR7, 93 Mark VIII

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Once you have tasted flight, you will walk the world with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return. -Leonardo da Vinci
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post #1174 of 1191 (permalink) Old 06-24-2015, 08:29 AM
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THE CONFESSION- SENT BY TEXT

Hi Bob, this is Alan next door. I’m sorry buddy, but I have a confession to make to you. I've been riddled with guilt these past few months and have been trying to pluck up the courage to tell you to your face, but I am at least now telling in text as I can’t live with myself a moment longer without you knowing. The truth is, I have been sharing your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, probably more than... you. I haven’t been getting it at home recently, but that's no excuse I know. The temptation was just too much....I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apologies and forgive me. I promise that it won't happen again. Please come up with a fee for usage, and I'll pay you. Regards, Alan.



THE ACTIONS
Bob, feeling insulted and betrayed, grabbed his gun, and shot his neighbor dead. He returned home where he poured himself a stiff drink and sat down on the sofa. He took out his phone where he saw he has a subsequent message from his neighbor:



THE SECOND MESSAGE:
Hi Bob, This is Alan next door again. Sorry about the slight typo on my last text. I expect you worked it out anyway, but as I’m sure you noticed that my Autocorrect changed ‘Wi-Fi’ To ‘Wife’. Technology, hey?!? Hope you saw the funny side of that. Regards, Alan

Beware of texting and autocorrect!

-Brandon
97 Laser Red Thunderbird LX 156k, Stage 2 4.6L 2v N/A | 300 BHP (255 RWHP, 290 RWTQ) | 13.95 @ 97.58 | Build details | Pics at the Lorain Assembly plant
96 Ivory Mark VIII 235k, stock 4.6 32v on coils; New engine at 185k
Gone but not forgotten: 94 Cougar XR7, 93 Mark VIII

TCCoA's resident pilot since 2014
Once you have tasted flight, you will walk the world with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return. -Leonardo da Vinci
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post #1175 of 1191 (permalink) Old 06-24-2015, 05:07 PM
No, Mr. Lemmywinks, No!!!

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Originally Posted by Trunk Monkey View Post
LOL Love that flow chart.

That's a good one.

Reminds me of these ...



The tree swing ones are some of my favorites. Here are a few variations of it ...






I was reading a really good book the other day("Soul Music" I think...), and ran across this:

"...Death adds a large golden wheat field to the grounds after the events of Reaper Man. There is also a tree swing, created by Death for his granddaughter Susan, which swings through the trunk of the tree. (There is a joke common among engineers that pictures a rope-and-board swing as envisioned by various corporate entities. The last illustration is usually the simple swing labeled "what the customer wanted". The one in which the swing passes through the cut-through trunk of the tree — the upper part of the tree being propped up by sticks under the branches — is usually attributed to engineers. "

Red '96 Cougar XR-7 240k mi. '02 4R70W, PST DS : '03 PI engine, 04 maf, 24lb injectors, 2.5" exhaust, '02 4r70w + Jmod, DirtyD0g TC + cooler + 3/8" lines, 255 walbro fp. Alpine system.
Black '96 Cougar XR-7 (Lazarus) 210k mi PI Intake, '02 4R70W, Jmod, PST DS, GrogTune, Konis, Mark LCA+Poly, racecougar Custom Engine Chain, and JL and racecougar Bracing.
Black '97 Tbird Limited Edition, '02 4R70W, 255 walbro, PST DS, PBR Brakes&SS lines, Toicko Blues & Springs, GrogTune.

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"Never said Hibbity..." - Brian Williams
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post #1176 of 1191 (permalink) Old 06-24-2015, 09:10 PM
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How the heck do they make the connection from golden wheat field and reaper man to tree swing?

Oh and my Uncle just sent me this winner from a Bulls vs. Celitcs game. Be sure to watch it to the end.

Fake or not it's hilarious.


Mods? Yea, I got mods ...
Air silencer delete, warp drive, dilithium crystals, flux capacitor, Slingshot Rubber band power adder, Moonshine & Gas, Leaf Blower Supercharger, Hamster Wheel & Hamster, Energizer Bunny generating 1.21 gigawatts, Mr. Fusion® Home Energy Reactor, hover conversion and a sextant celestial navigation system (The original GPS)
Best 1/4: 1,320 nanoseconds @ 670,616,629.2 miles per hour

"There isn't that much difference anymore between spacecraft, aircraft and modern automobiles..." - Keith Henry, NASA's Langley Research Center
See a list of my real mods and pictures of my car HERE. The true performance of my car was made possible by the Carolinas Crew Chief, RobertP at Rob's Tire & Auto.
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post #1177 of 1191 (permalink) Old 06-24-2015, 11:11 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Trunk Monkey View Post
How the heck do they make the connection from golden wheat field and reaper man to tree swing?

Oh and my Uncle just sent me this winner from a Bulls vs. Celitcs game. Be sure to watch it to the end.

Fake or not it's hilarious.
LOL I remember that video. Good stuff.

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post #1178 of 1191 (permalink) Old 06-25-2015, 08:01 PM
No, Mr. Lemmywinks, No!!!

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Originally Posted by Trunk Monkey View Post
How the heck do they make the connection from golden wheat field and reaper man to tree swing?
It's a (series of) book(s); Death (or should I say, the Anthropomorphic Projection) has a really cool place to hang out.

The swing is there, along with the wheat fields.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Discworld

Red '96 Cougar XR-7 240k mi. '02 4R70W, PST DS : '03 PI engine, 04 maf, 24lb injectors, 2.5" exhaust, '02 4r70w + Jmod, DirtyD0g TC + cooler + 3/8" lines, 255 walbro fp. Alpine system.
Black '96 Cougar XR-7 (Lazarus) 210k mi PI Intake, '02 4R70W, Jmod, PST DS, GrogTune, Konis, Mark LCA+Poly, racecougar Custom Engine Chain, and JL and racecougar Bracing.
Black '97 Tbird Limited Edition, '02 4R70W, 255 walbro, PST DS, PBR Brakes&SS lines, Toicko Blues & Springs, GrogTune.

I'm not Human enough to be human; but I'm trying to fit in, and I'm learning to fake it.

"Never said Hibbity..." - Brian Williams
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post #1179 of 1191 (permalink) Old 07-01-2015, 09:36 PM
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For those of you Engineers & Mathematicians out there ...

Pile driving ... Pakistani style ...

Quote:
Here's something to cheer up any engineer and keep you up-to-date with the latest developments. Below is a link to a short video of a Pakistani pile driving construction technique. Notice that the pile driving becomes effective when the extra man jumps on. Very finely tuned! The chant is also catchy.

Now, let's analyze the Engineering here: 6 men x 180 lbs. = 1080 lbs. static force Jumping up and down will create a 3 times dynamic effect = 3240 lbs./jump = 1.6-ton thumps if the pile is tapered to 2 in. x 2 in., cross section at the tip = 4 sq. in. So, dynamic pressure/thump at pile tip = 3240/4 = 800 psi. The “add a man" feature will increase to 950 psi, so buy the option! Increase the chant and dynamic force goes up to 5 times to bring maximum pressure/thump to 1600 psi for a 7-man team. Quite good, and it will penetrate hard clay and sandy soil but not hard rock!

The foreman is the guy on the tambourine.

Mods? Yea, I got mods ...
Air silencer delete, warp drive, dilithium crystals, flux capacitor, Slingshot Rubber band power adder, Moonshine & Gas, Leaf Blower Supercharger, Hamster Wheel & Hamster, Energizer Bunny generating 1.21 gigawatts, Mr. Fusion® Home Energy Reactor, hover conversion and a sextant celestial navigation system (The original GPS)
Best 1/4: 1,320 nanoseconds @ 670,616,629.2 miles per hour

"There isn't that much difference anymore between spacecraft, aircraft and modern automobiles..." - Keith Henry, NASA's Langley Research Center
See a list of my real mods and pictures of my car HERE. The true performance of my car was made possible by the Carolinas Crew Chief, RobertP at Rob's Tire & Auto.
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post #1180 of 1191 (permalink) Old 09-12-2015, 10:51 PM
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Fun with Burning Man!

Yea, I know this is a Quiznos ad but it's damn funny!


Mods? Yea, I got mods ...
Air silencer delete, warp drive, dilithium crystals, flux capacitor, Slingshot Rubber band power adder, Moonshine & Gas, Leaf Blower Supercharger, Hamster Wheel & Hamster, Energizer Bunny generating 1.21 gigawatts, Mr. Fusion® Home Energy Reactor, hover conversion and a sextant celestial navigation system (The original GPS)
Best 1/4: 1,320 nanoseconds @ 670,616,629.2 miles per hour

"There isn't that much difference anymore between spacecraft, aircraft and modern automobiles..." - Keith Henry, NASA's Langley Research Center
See a list of my real mods and pictures of my car HERE. The true performance of my car was made possible by the Carolinas Crew Chief, RobertP at Rob's Tire & Auto.
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post #1181 of 1191 (permalink) Old 01-03-2016, 11:37 AM
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Airborne approximately thirty minutes on an outbound evening Aer Lingus flight from Dublin, the lead flight attendant for the cabin crew in her lovely Irish brogue nervously made the following painful announcement..:

"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm so very sorry but it appears that there has been a terrible mix-up just prior to take-off by our airport catering service... I don't know how this has happened but we have 103 passengers on board and, unfortunately, only 40 dinner meals. I truly apologize for this mistake and inconvenience."

When passengers' muttering had died down, she continued.. ,

"Anyone who is kind enough to give up their meal so that someone else can eat will receive free, unlimited drinks for the duration of our 5 hour flight."

Her next announcement came 90 minutes later...

"If anyone would like to change their minds, we still have 40 dinners available."

Joe

It's not a 97 Sport, it just looks like one!

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post #1182 of 1191 (permalink) Old 01-03-2016, 01:26 PM
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Originally Posted by BigMerc View Post
Whats better than 1 dead baby in a dumpster?





1 dead baby in ten dumpsters.
What do you get when you put a dead baby in a blender?







An Erection.
You have to be the sickest SOB on the forum.
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post #1183 of 1191 (permalink) Old 01-03-2016, 07:00 PM
No, Mr. Lemmywinks, No!!!

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You have to be the sickest SOB on the forum.
What's worse than a truckload of dead babies?

Finding a live one at the bottom, eating his way up!


What's the best thing about a load of dead babies?

You can unload them with a pitchfork!


Learned all these in 3rd grade; there were a ton of them...

Red '96 Cougar XR-7 240k mi. '02 4R70W, PST DS : '03 PI engine, 04 maf, 24lb injectors, 2.5" exhaust, '02 4r70w + Jmod, DirtyD0g TC + cooler + 3/8" lines, 255 walbro fp. Alpine system.
Black '96 Cougar XR-7 (Lazarus) 210k mi PI Intake, '02 4R70W, Jmod, PST DS, GrogTune, Konis, Mark LCA+Poly, racecougar Custom Engine Chain, and JL and racecougar Bracing.
Black '97 Tbird Limited Edition, '02 4R70W, 255 walbro, PST DS, PBR Brakes&SS lines, Toicko Blues & Springs, GrogTune.

I'm not Human enough to be human; but I'm trying to fit in, and I'm learning to fake it.

"Never said Hibbity..." - Brian Williams
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post #1184 of 1191 (permalink) Old 05-04-2016, 10:59 PM
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A farmer & a traveling salesman

On a road near his field, a farmer sees a traveling salesman tied up naked to a large tree stump, his head hanging down, with his azz up in the air.

The farmer asks the man what has happened.

The salesman says, "I picked up a hitchhiker. He pulled a gun on me! He made me take off all of my clothes, and tied me to this stump! Then, he stole my car and all of my merchandise!"

The farmer starts pulling down his overalls and says, "Mister, this just ain't your day"
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post #1185 of 1191 (permalink) Old 11-14-2016, 07:43 PM
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Time to bump this thread. I could use a good laugh. This one gave me a good LOL

Whatcha got?


Mods? Yea, I got mods ...
Air silencer delete, warp drive, dilithium crystals, flux capacitor, Slingshot Rubber band power adder, Moonshine & Gas, Leaf Blower Supercharger, Hamster Wheel & Hamster, Energizer Bunny generating 1.21 gigawatts, Mr. Fusion® Home Energy Reactor, hover conversion and a sextant celestial navigation system (The original GPS)
Best 1/4: 1,320 nanoseconds @ 670,616,629.2 miles per hour

"There isn't that much difference anymore between spacecraft, aircraft and modern automobiles..." - Keith Henry, NASA's Langley Research Center
See a list of my real mods and pictures of my car HERE. The true performance of my car was made possible by the Carolinas Crew Chief, RobertP at Rob's Tire & Auto.
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post #1186 of 1191 (permalink) Old 11-15-2016, 09:17 AM
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As for modern car movies- I prefer Hit and Run-


Nitrous is for fags.

1995 T-Bird. PI 4.6. Bullitt intake. Big MHS cams. 4,200 Dirty Dogg converter. Kooks headers. Full exhaust. 4" Drive Shaft. 4:10s.
Waiting on a tune.

1997 Lincoln Mark VIII FX2 Sand Dune Machine.

1997 Lincoln Mark VIII LSC- stock
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post #1187 of 1191 (permalink) Old 11-15-2016, 10:38 AM
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LOL

That's a good one.

And now it's time for a commercial break:


Mods? Yea, I got mods ...
Air silencer delete, warp drive, dilithium crystals, flux capacitor, Slingshot Rubber band power adder, Moonshine & Gas, Leaf Blower Supercharger, Hamster Wheel & Hamster, Energizer Bunny generating 1.21 gigawatts, Mr. Fusion® Home Energy Reactor, hover conversion and a sextant celestial navigation system (The original GPS)
Best 1/4: 1,320 nanoseconds @ 670,616,629.2 miles per hour

"There isn't that much difference anymore between spacecraft, aircraft and modern automobiles..." - Keith Henry, NASA's Langley Research Center
See a list of my real mods and pictures of my car HERE. The true performance of my car was made possible by the Carolinas Crew Chief, RobertP at Rob's Tire & Auto.
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post #1188 of 1191 (permalink) Old 11-15-2016, 12:14 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Trunk Monkey View Post
And now it's time for a commercial break:
Roger........that!

Joe

It's not a 97 Sport, it just looks like one!

Mass. TCCoAers, Send me your info!

I buy all my Ford parts from 93 lx.

Member of the TCCoA Damage Control Team.

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post #1189 of 1191 (permalink) Old 11-15-2016, 05:05 PM
No, Mr. Lemmywinks, No!!!

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Trunk Monkey View Post
...This one gave me a good LOL

Whatcha got?
I'm going to find that movie somewhere; that's awesome.

Sway bar fixes that on our cars; was that an IRS mustang?

Red '96 Cougar XR-7 240k mi. '02 4R70W, PST DS : '03 PI engine, 04 maf, 24lb injectors, 2.5" exhaust, '02 4r70w + Jmod, DirtyD0g TC + cooler + 3/8" lines, 255 walbro fp. Alpine system.
Black '96 Cougar XR-7 (Lazarus) 210k mi PI Intake, '02 4R70W, Jmod, PST DS, GrogTune, Konis, Mark LCA+Poly, racecougar Custom Engine Chain, and JL and racecougar Bracing.
Black '97 Tbird Limited Edition, '02 4R70W, 255 walbro, PST DS, PBR Brakes&SS lines, Toicko Blues & Springs, GrogTune.

I'm not Human enough to be human; but I'm trying to fit in, and I'm learning to fake it.

"Never said Hibbity..." - Brian Williams
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post #1190 of 1191 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 07:29 PM
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TESLA Parking Ticket Avoidance Mode....

Although this is a joke they seriously could do something like this. Just have the car loop the block until you get back ...

ROFLMAO


Mods? Yea, I got mods ...
Air silencer delete, warp drive, dilithium crystals, flux capacitor, Slingshot Rubber band power adder, Moonshine & Gas, Leaf Blower Supercharger, Hamster Wheel & Hamster, Energizer Bunny generating 1.21 gigawatts, Mr. Fusion® Home Energy Reactor, hover conversion and a sextant celestial navigation system (The original GPS)
Best 1/4: 1,320 nanoseconds @ 670,616,629.2 miles per hour

"There isn't that much difference anymore between spacecraft, aircraft and modern automobiles..." - Keith Henry, NASA's Langley Research Center
See a list of my real mods and pictures of my car HERE. The true performance of my car was made possible by the Carolinas Crew Chief, RobertP at Rob's Tire & Auto.
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post #1191 of 1191 (permalink) Old 04-09-2017, 02:19 PM
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Superman is bored flying around one day looking for a way to liven up his day a bit, when all of a sudden he sees wonder woman spread eagle butt naked tanning on the roof of a nearby skyscraper and it looks like shes playing with herself. He says to himself "I bet I could fly down and screw her so fast that she wouldn't even see what happened, but I'm gonna have to be quick". So he flew down real fast and did her as fast as he could, and flew off as fast as he could. Wonder woman looked around and said "wtf was that? it was a big gust of wind and it sounded like a grenade went off nearby"... The invisible man said "I dunno,but whatever it was it tore my ass up!"

Blake

1996 thunderbird lx (the silver slut)
http://forums.tccoa.com/vbpicgallery.php?do=view&g=387

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