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post #121 of 1191 (permalink) Old 07-17-2003, 05:44 PM
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Top Ten Reasons To Go To Work Naked...

1. Your boss is always yelling, "I wanna see your *** in here by 8:00!"

2. Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.

3. "I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants."

4. To stop those creepy guys in Marketing from looking down your blouse.

5. You want to see if it's like the dream.

6. So that with a little help from Muzak you can add "Exotic Dancer" to your exaggerated resume.

7. People stop stealing your pens after they've seen where you keep them.

8. Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work drunk.

9. Gives "bad hair day" a whole new meaning.

10. No one steals your chair.

Man who run in front of car get tired.
Man who run behind car get exhausted.

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post #122 of 1191 (permalink) Old 07-17-2003, 10:50 PM
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"Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say, "I'm Stupid." That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You wouldn't ask them anything. It would be like, "Excuse me...oops, never mind. I didn't see your sign!"

It's like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My friend comes over and says "Hey, you moving?" "Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign!"

A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine, we pulled his boat into the dock, I lifted up this big 'ol stringer of bass and this idiot on the dock goes, "Hey, y'all catch all them fish?" "Nope - talked 'em into giving up. Here's your sign!"

I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel. There was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. And there's only one way to test it. "Okay Jimmy, you got that shark suit on, it looks good... Now you need to jump into this pool of sharks, and you tell us if it hurts when they bite you." "Well, all right, but hold my sign. I don't wanna lose it."

Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into one of those side-of-the-road gas stations. The attendant walks out, looks at my truck, looks at me, and I SWEAR he said, "Tire go flat?" I couldn't resist. I said, "Nope. I was driving around and those other three just swelled right up on me. Here's your sign!"

We were trying to sell our car about a year ago. A guy came over to the house and drove the car around for about 45 minutes. We get back to the house, he gets out of the car, reaches down and grabs the exhaust pipe, then says, "Darn that's hot!" See? If he'd been wearing his sign, I could have stopped him.

I learned to drive an 18 wheeler in my days of adventure. Wouldn't ya know I misjudged the height of a bridge. The truck got stuck and I couldn't get it out no matter how I tried. I radioed in for help and eventually a local cop shows up to take the report. He went through his basic questioning, ok no problem. I thought sure he was clear of needing a sign...until he asked "So...is your truck stuck?" I couldn't help myself! I looked at him, looked back at the rig and then back to him and said "No, I'm delivering a bridge... here's your sign!""
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post #123 of 1191 (permalink) Old 07-17-2003, 11:12 PM
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post #124 of 1191 (permalink) Old 08-13-2003, 12:34 PM
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A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman. They exchange brief hellos and he notices she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her about it and she replies, "This is a very interesting book about sexual statistics.

It identifies that American Indians have the longest average penis and Polish men have the biggest average diameter. By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?" He coolly replies, "Tonto Kawalski, nice to meet you."

---

One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says: "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."

The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear: "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"

--

A man was visiting his wife in hospital where she has been in a coma for several years. On this visit he decides to rub her left breast instead of just talking to her. On doing this she lets out a sigh. The man runs out and tells the doctor who says this is a good sign and suggests he should try rubbing her right breast to see if there is any reaction. The man goes in and rubs her right breast and this brings a moan.

From this, the doctor suggests that the man should go in and try oral sex, saying he will wait outside as it is a personal act and he doesn't want the man to be embarrassed. The man goes in then comes out about five minutes later, white as a sheet and tells the doctor his wife is dead. The doctor asks what happened to which the man replies: "She choked."

--

There was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, "Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 Years." "Yeah," she replied, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together." "I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago."

"Well," Granny snickered, "What do you say...should we get naked?" Where upon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table. "You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied,"My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago." "I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!!!!

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post #125 of 1191 (permalink) Old 08-13-2003, 03:46 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by ShadowDragon

There was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, "Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 Years." "Yeah," she replied, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together." "I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago."

"Well," Granny snickered, "What do you say...should we get naked?" Where upon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table. "You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied,"My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago." "I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!!!!
Doh!!!! Damn, that just isn't right........
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post #126 of 1191 (permalink) Old 08-19-2003, 11:14 AM
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A blonde girl enters a store that sells curtains.

She tells the salesman: "I would like to buy a pink curtain in the size of my computer screen."

The surprised salesman replies: "But, madam, computers do not have curtains.... "


and the blonde said..........


































Helloooo.... I've got Windows ! ! !

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post #127 of 1191 (permalink) Old 08-22-2003, 10:43 AM
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Snappy Answer #1
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."

Snappy Answer #2
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy,"Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

Snappy Answer #3
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

Snappy Answer #4
THE TEACHER Snappy Answer OF THE YEAR
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or i! llness, or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-*** guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

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post #128 of 1191 (permalink) Old 08-22-2003, 03:17 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by ShadowDragon
Snappy Answer #4
THE TEACHER Snappy Answer OF THE YEAR
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or i! llness, or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-*** guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."


-Thomas

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post #129 of 1191 (permalink) Old 08-26-2003, 01:20 PM
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Cajuns in heaven and hell

Gabriel came to the Lord and said, "I have to talk to you, I have some cajuns up here in Heaven who are causing some problems. They are swinging on the Pearly Gates. My horn is missing. Barbecue sauce is all over their robes. Ham hock, spareribs, and crawfish shells are all over the streets of gold.. Some folks are walking around with one wing. They have been late taking their turn in keeping the stairway to heaven clean. There are watermelon seeds all over the clouds. They have eaten almost every animal up here! Some of them aren't even wearing their halos, saying it is messing up their hair."

The Lord said, "I made them special, as I did you, my angel. Heaven is home to all my children. If you really want to know about problems, let's call the Devil."

The Devil answered the phone, "Hello? Dang, hold on." The Devil returned to the phone and said, "Hello, God, what can I do for you?"

God replied, "Tell me what kind of problems you are having down there."

The Devil said, "Wait one minute," and puts the Lord on hold. After 5 minutes he returned to the phone, and said "Okay, I'm back. What was the question?"

God asked again, "What kind of problems are you having down there?"

The Devil said, "Man, I don't believe this..... Hold on, God." This time the Devil was gone for 15 minutes. The Devil returned and said, "I'm sorry, God, I can't talk right now. These crazy cajuns done put the fire out, and are trying to install air conditioning!"

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post #130 of 1191 (permalink) Old 08-26-2003, 01:35 PM
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A termite walks into a bar. He asks the bartner "Is the bar tender here?"

Yeah...bad joke thread...that's the ticket!

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post #131 of 1191 (permalink) Old 08-26-2003, 08:56 PM
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Onestone was his name. This was his Indian name because he had only one testicle. After years and years of this torment Onestone cracked and said, If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!" The word got around and nobody called him Onestone any more. They called him Oddbag or Sadsack.
Then one day a young girl forgot and said, "Good morning Onestone." He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest, there he shagged her all day, he shagged her all night, he shagged her all the next day, until she died from exhaustion.

The word got around that Onestone meant business. Years went by until a woman returned to the village after many years away. She was overjoyed when she saw Onestone and hugged him and said, "Good to see you Onestone."
Again, Onestone grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he shagged her all day, shagged her all ! night, shagged her all the next day, shagged her all the next night, but she wouldn't die! What is the moral of the story?
..........................













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post #132 of 1191 (permalink) Old 08-28-2003, 03:19 PM
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Two rednecks decided they weren't going anywhere in life, and thought they should go to college to get ahead.

The first redneck went in to see the counselor, who told him to take Math, History, and Logic.

"What's Logic?" the first redneck asked. The professor answered by saying, "Let me give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?" "I sure do." said the first redneck.

"Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard," replied the professor.

"That's real good!" said the redneck.

The professor continued, "Logic will also tell me that since you have a yard, you also own a house."

Impressed, the redneck said,
"Amazin!"

"And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife," continued the professor.

"That's Betty Mae! This is incredible!" The redneck is obviously catching on.

"Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are heterosexual," said the professor.

"You're absolutely right!" exclaimed the redneck. Why that's the most fascinatin' thing I ever heard! I cain't wait to take that logic class!!"

The redneck, proud of the new world opening up to him, walked back into the hallway, where his friend was still waiting.

"So what classes are ya takin'?" asked the friend.

"Math, History, and Logic!" replied the first redneck.

"What in tarnation is logic???" asked his friend.

"Let me give you an example.
Do ya own a weed eater?" asked the first redneck.

"No," his friend replied.

"You're QUEER, ain't ya?"

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post #133 of 1191 (permalink) Old 08-29-2003, 08:16 AM
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In a Biology class, the professor was discussing the high
glucose levels found in semen which gives the sperm all the
energy for their journey.
A female freshman raised her hand and asked, "If I understand
you correctly, you're saying there is a lot of glucose, as in
sugar, in semen?"
"That's correct", responded the professor, going onto to add
statistical info.
Raising her hand again, she asked, "Then why doesn't it taste
sweet?"
After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing.
The poor girl's face turned bright red, and as she realized
exactly what she had inadvertently said (or rather implied),
she picked up her books without a word and walked out of the
class, never to return.
However, as she was going out of the door, the professor's
reply was classic. Totally straight-faced he answered her
question.
"It doesn't taste sweet because the taste buds for sweetness
are on the tip of your tongue and not the back of your throat.

AAAAA: American Association Against Acronym Abuse

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post #134 of 1191 (permalink) Old 08-29-2003, 06:15 PM
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There was a traveling salesman whose car broke down on a lonely country road. It took a couple hours to make it to the nearest farm house, and by then it was completely dark.

He knocked on the door and when an old farmer answered the salesman pleaded for a place to spend the night.

"Why sure, young fella, I can give ya a place to bunk," said the hospitable old man. "But, I ain't got no good looking daughter like ya always hear about in them jokes."

"Oh!" said the salesman. "Can you tell me how far is it to the next house?"
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post #135 of 1191 (permalink) Old 09-10-2003, 04:19 PM
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The other night a woman was invited out for a night with "the girls." she told her husband that she would be home by midnight, "I promise!" Well, the hours passed and the champagne was going down way too easy. Around 3 a.m., drunk as a skunk, she headed for home. Just as she got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing he'd probably wake up, she cuckooed another 9 times.

She was really proud of herself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution (even when smashed), in order to escape a possible conflict with him. The next morning her husband asked her what time she got in, and she told him 12:00. He didn't seem disturbed at all.

Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock." When she asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, "Oh ****," cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the cat and farted.

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post #136 of 1191 (permalink) Old 09-10-2003, 07:36 PM Thread Starter
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If you order viagra and levitra in the mail which comes first?

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post #137 of 1191 (permalink) Old 10-03-2003, 09:53 AM
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A man walked into the produce section of his local supermarket, and asked
to buy half a head of lettuce.

The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce.

The man was insistent that the boy ask his manager about the matter. Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager, "Some @sshole wants to buy half a head of lettuce."

As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "and this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half."

The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way.

Later the manager said to the boy, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from son?" "Canada, sir," the boy replied.

"Well, why did you leave Canada?" the manager asked. The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but wh0res and hockey players up there."

"Really," replied the manager? "My wife is from Canada!"

"No sh!t??" replied the boy. "Who'd she play for?"

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post #138 of 1191 (permalink) Old 07-01-2004, 01:29 AM
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Whilst enjoying a drink with a buddy one night, this guy decides to try his luck with an attractive young girl sitting alone by the bar. To his surprise, she asks him to join her for a drink and eventually asks him if he'd like to come back to her place. The pair jump into a taxi and go back to her place.

Later, the young man pulls out a cigarette from his jeans and searches for his lighter. Unable to find it, he asks the girl if she has one at hand. "There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replies. Opening the drawer of the bedside table, he finds a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. Naturally, the guy begins to worry.

"Is this your husband?" he inquires nervously.

"No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him.

"Your boyfriend then.

"No, don't be silly," she says, nibbling away at his ear.

"Well, who is he then?" demands the bewildered fellow.

Calmly, the girl takes a match, strikes it across the side of her face and replies, "That's me before the operation."

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post #139 of 1191 (permalink) Old 07-01-2004, 02:49 AM
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Quote:
Originally posted by SC_Steve
I hope these don't offend anyone:

Why do blonde's where big hooped earing on dates?
so they have somewhere to put their feet!

What do you call one blonde blowing into another blondes ear?
Data Transfer, lol!

Why did the blonde girl have bruises on her belly button?
Her boyfriend was blonde too!

What do you call 10 polish guys with Turbins on their head?
A Pack-A-Stanly's

What do you call an Italian with a broken arm?
A speach impedament!

I'll post more when I think of 'em


I'm Italian and I think that was hilarious!

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Last edited by powerhouze; 07-01-2004 at 03:10 AM.
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post #140 of 1191 (permalink) Old 07-01-2004, 07:40 AM
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Quote:
Originally posted by 93pimpin
Whilst enjoying a drink..
Um, look at the previous page, I posted that over a year ago.

R.I.P. Joel Bender 07/30/79 - 03/26/06
R.I.P. Johnny Langton 1975-2011

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post #141 of 1191 (permalink) Old 07-01-2004, 08:48 AM
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Oh, ha. With dialup, I can't search though the first page, unless I have 15 minutes to kill. I guess I should change my settings so something other than 100 posts per page, now that I'm back home.

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post #142 of 1191 (permalink) Old 07-01-2004, 11:02 AM
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There's this stock broker in New York, and he gets out of work one night and decides he wants to get himself a hooker. He drives around for a little bit until he finds one he likes. So he pulls over to the side of the road and picks up the hooker.

"How much for a hand job?" he asks.

"$500." the hooker replies.

"$500?! That's an awful lot, don't you think?"

So the hooker points across the street to a brand new Benz, and says "You see that car? Cost me $80,000 cash."

The guy thinks, "Well, must be pretty good to make that kind of money...what the heck."

Sure enough, it's the best hand job he's ever had.. tells all his friends about it. The next week, he decides he wants to pick up the same hooker. He does, and they're sitting in his car again.

"How much for a blow job?" He asks.

"$5,000."

"$5,000?!"

The hooker points down the street to a high-rise condo building. "You see that building? I own that. I paid $500,000 cash for it."

Again, he decides to go with it, and sure enough, it's the best one he's ever had. The next week, he goes to pick up the hooker again.

"How much to have sex with you?"

"$50,000"

"Are you serious?"

And the hooker points down the road, and says "You see that? On the other side of the river?"

The guy says, "Yeah, that's Staten Island."

"Well, if I had a vagina, I'd own it."

1990 XR7 3.8L SC - Still waiting for time and money to come together at the same time..
1991 Ford Ranger
2003 Ford Escape


It's an MN-12 thing... you wouldn't understand.

Cowboys still do ride horses. Only today it's not just one at a time.
It's 454, each one alive, penned in 8 cylinders. Eating asphalt. Kicking dust.
Screaming out loud, "Don't you dare stop for water."
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post #143 of 1191 (permalink) Old 07-01-2004, 11:23 AM
Chief of Warranty Police
 
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Once there was this little boy, good looking, smart, the works. His parents put him through grade school, and he graduates at the top of his class, perfect grades and all. So his parents are so proud of him, they tell him they'll get him absolutely anything he wants.

He tells his parents he wants 10 purple ping pong balls. They try to talk him into something else, but that's all he wants, and they get them for him.

The kid goes through high school, and again, graduates with high honors, at the top of his class. His parents are so incredibly proud of him, they again offer him anything he wants.

He thinks about it, and tell them he wants 100 purple ping pong balls. THey try to talk him into a new car, but he denies it. Again, they get him the purple ping pong balls.

College comes along, and he studies for 6 years to be a doctor. He graduates college at the top of his class. Parents could not be happer. So, as in years past, they offer him absolutely anything he wants.

He asks for 1,000 purple ping pong balls, and he gets them.

So he goes on to be a doctor, and turns out to be one of the best in the field. One day, he's on vacation driving along a narrow mountain road. He sees a car coming in the opposite direction and realizes there is not enough room for the both of them to pass. Thinking about it, he could swerve to the inside, save himself, and send the other guy over the edge inevitably to his death. Since he's a doctor and he's dedicated his whole career to saving other people, he swerves to the outside sending his car over the edge and allowing the other driver to pass safely.

He wakes up in the hospital with his parents standing over him. They go on about how proud they are of him, and the unselfish decision he made. Once again, they offer him absolutely anything he wants. He looks up at them, and says,

"10,000 purple ping pong balls.."

"Are you sure that's all you want?" they ask him.

"Yes."

"All right, but before we get them for you, we have to know... all these years, that's the only thing you've ever asked for under all your accomplishments. What exactly do you need them for?"

He looks up at them and takes a deep breath, "Mom, dad, I thought it was so obvious...... I needed them for........."

...and he dies.



1990 XR7 3.8L SC - Still waiting for time and money to come together at the same time..
1991 Ford Ranger
2003 Ford Escape


It's an MN-12 thing... you wouldn't understand.

Cowboys still do ride horses. Only today it's not just one at a time.
It's 454, each one alive, penned in 8 cylinders. Eating asphalt. Kicking dust.
Screaming out loud, "Don't you dare stop for water."
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post #144 of 1191 (permalink) Old 07-01-2004, 04:44 PM
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Posts: 1,322
What do a wife and a condom have in common?
They both spend more time in your wallet than on your d!ck.

A man goes to a tattoo artist and asks if he will tattoo a One Hundred dollar bill on his penis. The tattoo artist says he will only do something that personal if the guy has a good reason for it. The man then says, "I'll give you three good reasons."
1. "I like to play with my money."
2. "I like to watch my money grow."
3. "The next time the ol' lady wants to blow a hundred bucks, she doesn't have to leave the house."

02 AL PI 4.6L, 02 GT MAF and air box, SCT tune by lonnie.
2.25" true duals, no cats, Borla XS mufflers.
96 trans with 300HP + gear change J-mod, Mark VIII TC, & Hayden 30K GVW cooler.
Solid Rubber engine and tranny mounts. Polly front-end, tranny crossmember, and IRS bushings.
3.73 TL, 93 Mark VIII DS
PBR dual piston calipers in front, Rear Disc Brake Swap.
97 console. 245/60/15 BF Goodrich Radial T/As.
14.874 @ 93.56 with 3.27 before upgrade
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post #145 of 1191 (permalink) Old 07-02-2004, 10:34 AM
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Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: SoFla
Age: 35
Posts: 3,067
A woman suspects her husband is cheating on her.
One day she calls home and a strange woman answers.
Wife: Who is this?
Maid: This is the maid.
Wife: We don't have a maid.
Maid: I was hired this morning by the man of the house.
Wife: Well, this is his wife. Is he there?
MAID: He's upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I assumed was his
wife.
The wife is fuming. She says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to
make
$50,000?
MAID: Of course! What will I have to do?
WIFE: I want you to take my gun from the desk and shoot him and the
woman
he's with.
The maid puts the phone down. The wife hears footsteps, then gunshots,
then
more footsteps.
MAID: What do I do with the bodies?
WIFE: Just drag them out and throw them in the swimming pool.
MAID: There's no pool here.
A long pause..........
WIFE: Is this 832-4821?

Sold = 96 Thunderbird
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post #146 of 1191 (permalink) Old 07-03-2004, 12:47 AM
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Location: New Boston, Mi
Posts: 146
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Good One!

99 trans w/2800 stall (thanks to Darrin and Dirtydog) Mac Underdrive, CAI, SSAutoChrome headers sitting in my closet (For Sale), ford factory 4.10 ring/pinion in the closet also(for sale) 2 mtx 6x9s in the back .
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post #147 of 1191 (permalink) Old 07-07-2004, 02:14 AM
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Location: Livingston WI
Age: 31
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Those were good, but get this one: "A baby seal walks into a club."

International Harvester all the way!
Remember: Nothing runs like a DEERE, and nothing dies like one either! LOL
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post #148 of 1191 (permalink) Old 07-07-2004, 02:18 AM
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Quote:
Originally posted by Hughges
Those were good, but get this one: "A baby seal walks into a club."
Haha, ya. I told that one last night. One of my favorite one-liners.

Benjamin' 07/30/82 Christian MySpace CarDomain
Celica and Chevy 1500 are sold for parts. Now I'm left with the broken Buick and my '98 Dakota.
Bedroom: Pioneer VSX23, DefTech BP6s (front) ProCenter 2000, Mirage Omni 350s, 10" Kicker L7 pushed by PExpress plate amp, XBox 360, PS3, 50" LG 3D plasma.
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post #149 of 1191 (permalink) Old 07-07-2004, 09:00 AM
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Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: El Paso, TX
Age: 34
Posts: 3,647
ok well there was a wedding I got invited to but couldn't make it, this was about a week ago.
It was two TV's that were getting married (use your imagination)
I heard that the wedding was boring but that the reception was great!...

-Orlando

friends don't let friends drive Chevy
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post #150 of 1191 (permalink) Old 07-08-2004, 06:30 PM
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Centreville, MD
Posts: 168
Tony Blair is visiting an Edinburgh hospital.He enters a ward full of
patients with no obvious sign of injury or illness. He greets the first
patient and the patient replies:

"Fair fa yere honest sonsie face,
Great chieftain o' the puddin race,
Aboon them a ye tak yere place,
Painch, tripe or thairm,
As langs my airm."

Tony is confused, so he just grins and moves on to the next patient and
greets him. The patient responds:

"Some hae meat and canna eat,
And some wad eat that want it,
But we hae meat and we can eat,
So let the Lord be thankit."

Even more confused, but trying not to show it, Tony moves on to the
next
patient, who immediately begins to chant:

"Wee sleekit, cowerin, timrous beasty,
Thou needna start awa sae hastie,
Wi bickering brattle."

Now alarmed, Tony turns to the accompanying doctor and asks "What kind
of
facility is this? is it a mental ward?"

"No", replies the doctor. "This is the serious Burns unit".

"If you can read this, thank a teacher....and since it's in English, thank a soldier."

I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore, I am perfect.


Eibachs, some of the mn12perf bushings,GT MAF sensor, K&N filter, RM Tube, Steeda UDs, Jmod w/deepsump, trans cooler, TRUBENDZ freeflowcats & X-pipe, and cat-back duals w/Flo 40s (done locally). 3.73 FRPP DIFF, ...SCT and ADDCO "BIG BARS"
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