Van Halen World Tour Wraps Up. - TCCoA Forums
LinkBack Thread Tools
post #1 of 4 (permalink) Old 06-05-2008, 03:42 PM Thread Starter
Veteran Poster
EvilMooseofDoom's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: People's Republic of Oregon
Age: 47
Posts: 732
Van Halen World Tour Wraps Up.

June 5th, 2008

Arena Concerts Sell Out Across The Country, Grossing More Than $93 Million, with more than $250,000,000 in doobies smoked by concertgoers who couldn't afford the gas to the concert, much less the tickets for the actual event.

(Los Angeles, CA) June 5, 2008 – Nearly a million fans journeyed from all over the world to witness the landmark VAN HALEN tour, vaporizing wallets and marriages in the process, which kicked-off in September of 2007 in Charlotte, NC and wrapped up June 2, 2008 in Grand Rapids, MI, with a small break in April, so Eddie Van Halen could rest a bit, and eat several hundred more babies to boost his magical powers.

VAN HALEN, featuring Eddie Van Halen, David Lee Roth, Alex Van Halen and Wolfgang Van Halen delivered their bombastic live assault on everyone's hearing ability at 75 arena concerts throughout the U.S. and Canada, along with live concert performances beamed to the planet Mars, just in case anyone living there didn't have enough drama simply having to deal with the lack of a hospitable atmosphere.

Performing live with Roth for the first time in more than 23 years, when Roth was trapped behind enemy lines in Vietnam, forced by the Vietcong to use his amplified scratchy voice to take out enemy radar and knock down enemy aircraft, VAN HALEN proved its timeless catalog of hits still packs the eardrum-obliterating punch it did 70 years earlier. Each night, the band treated the capacity Ebay scalpers to a nightmare set list of more than two punishing hours of VAN HALEN gems plucked from their original era, the era of Sputnik, Howdy Doody, and Yuri Gregarian. Favorites including, “Jumped”, “Ain’t Talkin’ ‘Bout Your Wallet”, “Panhandlerama”, "Wallet's Cryin", "Everybody spent some", "Pretty Damn Expensive", "Somebody get me a Financial Advisor!", "Runnin' to the Banker", "So this is Debt", "I.R.S. Man", "Hot for Accountant" and more, received a Voo-doo-magic-sourced jolt of vivacity and spirit from the three octogenarians and young child lounge music prodigy.

When asked what they were going to do now that the tour was over, Eddie Van Halen immediately and boisterously replied, "I am releasing the all-new Eddie Van Halen signature line of Disneyland-themed guitars and amplifiers!", whereas a guitar solo version of 'It's a small world' could immediately be faintly heard over loudspeakers.

Not to be outdone, David Lee Roth jumped into the conversation, swords flying, with one sword slipping out of his grip, sailing clear across the room and impaling some guy wearing a 'Maroon 5' T-shirt, and said with a commanding voice, "I am embarking an ambitious solo project where I will be touring with another band, with me singing Van Halen tunes to music played by band members wielding car horns from import vehicles and snapping fingers, chorus being sung by a group of Howler monkeys I purchased from a bankrupt zoo in Texas! Tour dates will be announced soon!"
Alex Van Halen simply looked too shocked at Dave's announcement to say anything about his plans, and then looked even more shocked at the fact that something Dave said would still shock him after all these years, but from his outward appearance, Alex's definite plans for the future involved him getting as far away from Roth as he could within the next 20 minutes.

And what about Wolfgang Van Halen? He let the world know that he is a grown-up now, and said loudly, "And yes, I can pee-pee standing up!".

Yes, I hate my Lincoln. Ask me about it sometime.

My Drivetribe garbage:

My LarryLand Automotive Facebook Page:

My garbage:

Last edited by EvilMooseofDoom; 06-05-2008 at 03:48 PM.
EvilMooseofDoom is offline  
Sponsored Links
post #2 of 4 (permalink) Old 06-07-2008, 12:12 AM
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 1,716
Send a message via Yahoo to 94 Thunderbird XX
Y'know, we've always heard about what an ego-maniac DLR is...but I was checking into a recent interview with EVH going on and on about his new signature line of amps (used to be Peavey 5150 and 5150 II, now Fender 5150 III...) and I realized just what an ass he could be as well. The guy is waaay more stuck on himself than what I had always perceived.

So no wonder they didn't get along. Only room for one egomaniac in a band. Any more than just one is trouble......well, one is bad enough as it is.

Delete my account.
94 Thunderbird XX is offline  
post #3 of 4 (permalink) Old 06-07-2008, 12:15 AM
Seasoned PostWhore
The Great Obucina's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: palm beach county
Age: 37
Posts: 9,966
Send a message via AIM to The Great Obucina
you are the strangest mofo ever.

"Booyah". Stu Scott.
1996 Braincoated, all Aluminum PI powered and obscenely loud Pearl White Tbird [email protected] AKA Dyrdek.
2013 Black on black FX2 Supercrew Ecoboost F150. Roll onto the scene with the ceiling missing.
The Great Obucina is offline  
post #4 of 4 (permalink) Old 06-07-2008, 12:16 AM
stickysilvertbird's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: palm-ghetto fl
Age: 29
Posts: 1,061
Send a message via AIM to stickysilvertbird Send a message via MSN to stickysilvertbird Send a message via Yahoo to stickysilvertbird
Originally Posted by EvilMooseofDoom
wrapped up June 2, 2008 in Grand Rapids, MI, with a small break in April, so Eddie Van Halen could rest a bit, and eat several hundred more babies to boost his magical powers.
thats amazing lmao.. great write up btw

Originally Posted by Brother Maynard
Thou shalt pullest out thy pin and count to 3. no more, no less. 4 thou shall not count. nor shall thou count to 2, unless then proceeding to 3. 5 is right out! once thou counts to 3. being the third number being reached, then thou lobbest thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, towards thy foe, who be nort in my sight, dare snuff it...
stickysilvertbird is offline  

Quick Reply

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the TCCoA Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

User Name:
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome