Van Halen World Tour Wraps Up.
June 5th, 2008
VAN HALEN 2007-2008 TOUR THE HIGHEST GROSSING TOUR IN VH HISTORY, OH AND WHAT THEY ARE DOING AFTERWARD....
Arena Concerts Sell Out Across The Country, Grossing More Than $93 Million, with more than $250,000,000 in doobies smoked by concertgoers who couldn't afford the gas to the concert, much less the tickets for the actual event.
(Los Angeles, CA) June 5, 2008 – Nearly a million fans journeyed from all over the world to witness the landmark VAN HALEN tour, vaporizing wallets and marriages in the process, which kicked-off in September of 2007 in Charlotte, NC and wrapped up June 2, 2008 in Grand Rapids, MI, with a small break in April, so Eddie Van Halen could rest a bit, and eat several hundred more babies to boost his magical powers.
VAN HALEN, featuring Eddie Van Halen, David Lee Roth, Alex Van Halen and Wolfgang Van Halen delivered their bombastic live assault on everyone's hearing ability at 75 arena concerts throughout the U.S. and Canada, along with live concert performances beamed to the planet Mars, just in case anyone living there didn't have enough drama simply having to deal with the lack of a hospitable atmosphere.
Performing live with Roth for the first time in more than 23 years, when Roth was trapped behind enemy lines in Vietnam, forced by the Vietcong to use his amplified scratchy voice to take out enemy radar and knock down enemy aircraft, VAN HALEN proved its timeless catalog of hits still packs the eardrum-obliterating punch it did 70 years earlier. Each night, the band treated the capacity Ebay scalpers to a nightmare set list of more than two punishing hours of VAN HALEN gems plucked from their original era, the era of Sputnik, Howdy Doody, and Yuri Gregarian. Favorites including, “Jumped”, “Ain’t Talkin’ ‘Bout Your Wallet”, “Panhandlerama”, "Wallet's Cryin", "Everybody spent some", "Pretty Damn Expensive", "Somebody get me a Financial Advisor!", "Runnin' to the Banker", "So this is Debt", "I.R.S. Man", "Hot for Accountant" and more, received a Voo-doo-magic-sourced jolt of vivacity and spirit from the three octogenarians and young child lounge music prodigy.
When asked what they were going to do now that the tour was over, Eddie Van Halen immediately and boisterously replied, "I am releasing the all-new Eddie Van Halen signature line of Disneyland-themed guitars and amplifiers!", whereas a guitar solo version of 'It's a small world' could immediately be faintly heard over loudspeakers.
Not to be outdone, David Lee Roth jumped into the conversation, swords flying, with one sword slipping out of his grip, sailing clear across the room and impaling some guy wearing a 'Maroon 5' T-shirt, and said with a commanding voice, "I am embarking an ambitious solo project where I will be touring with another band, with me singing Van Halen tunes to music played by band members wielding car horns from import vehicles and snapping fingers, chorus being sung by a group of Howler monkeys I purchased from a bankrupt zoo in Texas! Tour dates will be announced soon!"
Alex Van Halen simply looked too shocked at Dave's announcement to say anything about his plans, and then looked even more shocked at the fact that something Dave said would still shock him after all these years, but from his outward appearance, Alex's definite plans for the future involved him getting as far away from Roth as he could within the next 20 minutes.
And what about Wolfgang Van Halen? He let the world know that he is a grown-up now, and said loudly, "And yes, I can pee-pee standing up!".
Last edited by EvilMooseofDoom; 06-05-2008 at 03:48 PM.