I really don’t know how to go about talking about this so I’m going to just start typing and see what happens. Ever since high school or even before that, I have been very depressed in a way, thanks to constant bullying while in school at Southmoore then when I went to Rayburn for 2 ½ years it kind of continued, but I’m not really sure what triggered it, but I was severly depressed there and ran away from home one night stole my moms car and ended up coming home really late. For 2 months after that we (mom, little sister, and I) were seeing a family therapist, didn’t go so well I got severly suicidal and very violent almost attacking my mom with a Luisville, but I always stopped myself before I could pick up the bat. So after that episode mom called the therapist and said we need to have a emergency meeting, I said no I’m not going I don’t like going there and proceded to baracade myself into my room and unplug my phone so no one would call me cause I didn’t feel like talking. I ended up falling asleep and waking to a banging on my bedroom door, it was my dad they were worried that I’d killed myself, so I opened the door, dad and I talked for couple hours I showed him the holes in the wall that I had punched and the window I had punched out. It was then decided that it might help if I changed schools and living conditions. So I moved in with my dad and step mom in Spring, oh boy did it work out well. I wasn’t depressed anymore, I graduated with a 4.0 GPA , made the who’s who of American high school students, was 2nd LT. In my JROTC class. It was wonderful. I got a job at the local Randall’s, then Game Crazy, I was going to college for 3D Animation and made the Deans list every year, but within all this happiness there stood something that wasn’t right I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. After I finished with my Cert. in college I bought my Camaro from my best friend Joey in Orange, TX on Feb. 1, 2003, yes the day Columbia burned up in the atmosphere. That’s when I got into cars. Been working on her for 4 years soon and it seem everything seems to go wrong for me. So one day I go to a club after that, and I start getting kinda depressed cause no one will dance with me I walk out the club feeling down in the dump get the Jeep and take off with thoughts of hurting myself, then I grab my fish gutting knife out of my pocked and leave what would be the first of many scars to my left forearm. Up until now I have had many of these episodes of being slef hurting, and depression. You guys may have noticed it the day I showed up late for Don Pico’s last time. I showed up late cause I started to have those thought again due to a recent event the night before @ karaoke with some old friends, where I had fallen for girl and we had been talking all night we’d kissed and we really connected and she said you’re a really nice guy Nick I think I love you. Anyways I had to leave early that night cause that weekend I had need to help my dad with the gun shop the next morning. I get a call from my buddy that was there that night that he had hooked up with that girl that night. And the rest of the day as some of ya’ll had noticed I was really depressed and down, thought the whole world was against me. That’s why I showed up late to the dinner, but I decided to show up so wouldn’t continue to hurt myself. If some of you had noticed my right hand along the knuckles were severely bruised and scratched up. I had been punch the brick wall at home and the dashboard in the Corolla as well as the windshield as you notice its cracked. When I do that punch that stuff I feel better in a way. But I would in no way want to hurt anyone and never would cause I know better. So today at work I decided to look around on the net to see what I could possibly have wrong with me then I remember something I’d heard of called Bipolar disorder. I decided to look it up online at Wikipedia to see what I could learn about it. I’m basically a text book case of bipolar. I’d like to apologize to those whom I have snapped at in the past and say its not my fault I may have a condition. I would like to see if I can go to the doc. To see if I am actually bipolar and would like to here your opinions on which kind of doc. I should go to first my phys. Doc. That’s my first place I would like to go to but I would really like to steer clear of psychatrist.
Thanks for you time